A fun party

#1
One day, all of the world’s famous physicists decided to get together for a party (ok, there were some non-physicists too who crashed the party). Fortunately, the doorman was a grad student, and able to observe some of the guests…

* Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
* Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.
* Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
* Cauchy, being the mathematician, still managed to integrate well with everyone.
* Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.
* Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things, so he split.
* Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
* Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere’s opinions on current events.
* Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once.
* Volta thought the social had a lot of potential.
* Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.
* Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
* Feynman got from the door to the buffet table by taking every possible path
* The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
* van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
* Wien radiated a colourful personality.
* Millikan dropped his Italian oil dressing.
* de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
* Hollerith liked the hole idea.
* Stefan and Boltzman got into some hot debates.
* Everyone was attracted to Tesla’s magnetic personality.
* Compton was a little scatter-brained at times.
* Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.
* Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
* Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
* Faraday had quite a capacity for food.
* Oppenheimer got bombed.
* The microwave started radiating in the background when Penzias and Wilson showed up.
* After one bite Chandrasekhar reached his limit.
* Gamow left the party early with a big bang while Hoyle stayed late in a steady state.
* For Schrodinger this was more a wave function rather than a social function.
* Skorucak wanted to put everybody on his web site.
* Erdos was sad no epsilons were invited.
* Born thought the probability of enjoying himself was pretty high.
* Instead of coming through the front door Josephson tunnelled through.
* Groucho refused to attend any party that would invite him in the first place.
* Niccolò Tartaglia kept stammering throughout the evening.
* Pauling wanted to bond with everyone.
* Keynes was keen to question the marginal utility of this party.
* Shakespeare could not decide whether to be or not to be at the party.
* John Forbes Nash wanted to play a n-person zero sum game.
* Pavlov brought his dog; which promptly chased after Schrodinger’s cat.
* Zeno of Elea came with two friends - Achilles and the tortoise.
* Bill Gates came to install windows.
* Bertrand Russell kept wondering if the cook only cooks for the guests, who cooks for the cook?
* Witten bought a present all tied up with superstrings.
* The food was beautifully laid out by Mendeleyev on the periodic table.
* Riemann hypothesised about who would arrive next; to which Newton retorted, ‘ hypotheses non fingo.’
* Chadwick was handing out neutrons free of charge.
* Everyone was amazed at Bell’s inequality.
* Watson and Crick danced the Double Helix.
* While Fermat sang, ‘Save the Last Theorem for me.’
* Maxwell’s demon argued with Dawkin’s friend, the selfish Gene.
* Russell and Whitehead insisted on checking the bill for completeness and consistency. Godel said it was incomplete and it can never be proved otherwise.
* Epimenides the Cretan announced that only non-Cretans spoke the truth.
* Rontgen saw through everybody.
* Descartes cogitated, ‘I think I am drunk. Therefore I am at the party.’
 

Dason

Ambassador to the humans
#3
I RAISE YOU FROM THE DEAD.

This thread gave me a chuckle. Was this the first thread posted here quark?