Statistics Poetry

Karabiner

TS Contributor
#41
Asymptopia
by Peter Sprangers

Come with me and we shall go
a place that only n has known

a kingdom distant and sublime
whose ruler is the greatest prime

a land where infinite sums can rest
and undergrads shall take no test

a place where every child you see
writes poems about the C.L.T.

where cdf's converge to one
and every day is filled with sun.

where we can jump time's famous hurdle
and watch Achilles beat the turtle

and every stat plucked from a tree
is, without proof, U.M.V.U.E.

where joy o'erflows the cornucopia
in this, the land of Asymptopia.
 

fed2

Active Member
#42
My Cat And Me (ballad of identifiability)

Oh! My cat, my cat and me
sing this song of identifiability

For if the mathematician
cannot fit a solution snug
there the statistician
must also shrug
 

fed2

Active Member
#43
Beware the Bayesian (an epic tale in 3 parts)

Part One: A villain appears


Through the smog and slimy hollows
Creeps an evil fiendish fellow
whose heart is cold,
and beliefs are prior,
he throws small children
into fires

with skin of scales,
teeth like knives
god forsaken,
no-ones friend
he is the terrible Bayesian

he'll skew your posterior
and make your intervals incredible
he treats the family
pet as edible

hell hurt your sister
he steals when he borrows
He gobbles all your bytes
with his monte carlos

There is but one
who can save us
from this sophist
look there, now cometh
the noble
frequentist.
 

fed2

Active Member
#45
Twas the night before t-test, when all through the boxplot
Not a creature was boxplot, not even a mouse;
The t-tests were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. boxplot soon would be there;
The t-tests were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of boxplots danced in their heads;
And mamma in her boxplot, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our boxplots for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the t-test there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the boxplot to see what was the matter.
Away to the t-test I flew like a flash,
Tore open the boxplot and threw up the sash.
The moon on the t-test of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to boxplots below,
When, what to my wondering t-test should appear,
But a miniature boxplot, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old boxplot, so lively and quick,
I knew in a histogram it must be St. Nick.
 

fed2

Active Member
#46
He she have but at least; but other, my
Is therefore, but all rely earth, with each
Case, and therefore in thy from memory,
Kill me with one conception in large distance

Should of time that bears the boy provides
On the show; however privilege proved
Or population merit do not from
My drooping eyelids to perform at random

Variables so the observed. The old world,
Breathed is old, but if not love and the
Presence grace, proving his page while I honour
Of the map of three winters professionals

Make those gold disciplines, but other
Categorizations leave for the two.
 

fed2

Active Member
#47
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
His name is my name too
When ever we go out
The people always shout
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer boxplot!
Ba da da da da
 

Karabiner

TS Contributor
#48
Data Science
by Baba Brinkman

Data Science
Statisticians
Data Science
Statisticians

Academic classical statistician, sit down and listen
You’re about to witness the power of algorithms
Linear regressions is suckin’ us into a recession
Interpretability is dead, the gold standard is now prediction


Please, you think ‘cause a method is new, it isn’t bad?
Everything about your “big data” movement is a fad
All you have is a glittering enigma wrapped in a complex riddle
Nothing but a black box with lots of little knobs to twiddle

I’ll take a black box that delivers accurate answers
On any question you can ask it, from genetics to cancer
Over a transparent box we understand that’s “interpretable”


With tractable math…

Yeah, too bad it doesn’t work so good though

Algorithms are just another kind of statistical inference
That’s fine. You’re advocating scientifical ignorance
You’re like the Wizard of Oz in a balloon, floating over the earth
"Come back!"
“I can’t! I don’t know how it works!”

Here’s how it works: data goes in, predictions emerge
Talk to Mark Zuckerberg if you really question its worth
Forget it, stay bottled up in a college and data model
I’ll solve problems, drive an Audi, and date a model


Data science, we predict the outcome
And if you see it's workin’, there’s no need to question “how come?”


Statisticians, we want it precise
How is it “science” if you can’t explain your model designs?!?

Data science, we don’t want it basic
Life is complicated, the original “black box” is nature


Statisticians, reveal how nature functions
All I need is a model with articulated assumptions
Is that too much to ask from a data analyst?
Show your work!? That’s basic practice, but they can't handle it
Move fast, break things, it just isn't right
Not at the expense of parsimony and scientific insight

You got it backwards, pops, scientific progress
Is a step-by-step process from simple to complex
Quantum physics comes after Newtonian mechanics
And classic statisticians never discovered exoplanets


You’re the one with the model backwards, son, you got distracted

We get results!

Yeah, with no thought for the causal factors

Tech investors keep earning, algorithms keep churning

But it’s a shallow journey if only the machine’s learning

We’re learning, never doubt that, data science is about facts
And if it catches mice, that makes it a better mousetrap
Statistics is either gonna get with artificial intelligence
Or it’s gonna lose in the data battle for relevance


Well if that’s your position, then I'm a converted mathematician
First, check if it works, and then unpack the algorithm
With statistical methods; that’s just more for us to perceive
Just don’t lose sight of the random forest for the trees

Data science, we predict the outcome
First check if it's workin’, and then question “how come?”


Statisticians, we want it precise
How is it “science” if you can’t explain your model designs?

Data science, we don’t want it basic
Life is complicated, the original black box is nature


Statisticians, reveal how nature functions
All I need is a model with articulated assumptions

Data Science...

Statisticians...

(Repeat)

From the album Bright Future.

 
Last edited:

fed2

Active Member
#49
A dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones
A dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones
A dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones
An' I hear the word of the t-test! Mmmh
 

fed2

Active Member
#50
DO WOULD YOU LIKE t-tests AND HAM?

I DO NOT LIKE t-tests,SAM-I-AM.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests AND HAM.

WOULD YOU LIKE t-tests HERE OR THERE?

I WOULD NOT LIKE t-tests HERE OR THERE.
I WOULD NOT LIKE t-tests ANYWHERE.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests AND HAM.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests, SAM-I-AM.

WOULD YOU LIKE t-tests IN A HOUSE?
WOULD YOU LIKE t-tests WITH A MOUSE?

I DO NOT LIKE t-tests IN A HOUSE.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests WITH A MOUSE.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests HERE OR THERE.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests ANYWHERE.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests AND HAM.
I DO NOT LIKE t-tests, SAM-I-AM.
 
Last edited: